Just memories....

Autumn is slowly ushering itself in this year. Seems to be coming in slower than usual. Maybe it's the heat, maybe it's just the way it is this year. I will be out taking photographs of the changing leaves, the colors as they fade in and the bright ones fade out.

I find that I am not dreading October as much as I thought I would. October 24th 2010, will mark 16 years since Elizabethe-Ane died. Wow. That's all I can manage to say. I never thought that I would be one of the many, who have lost a child. I never imagined that I would be among those ranks. It is definitely not a badge of honor. Hell, it's not a badge I'd be happy to see anyone wear. It hurts. The pain at times, is absolutely crushing. There are days when you feel like you can't go on. There are days when you feel like giving up and curling into a ball for years on end. There are days when you sit and reflect on the memories, good...bad...ugly...beautiful. There are days when you feel like, Okay I can handle this. I am good today. As few and far as the good days seem to be...we learn to cherish them all the more. I think I am finally finding a small semblance of peace with Eli's death. I will never understand why my daughter, why my baby. But I can find some small span of peace and comfort. It has taken me 16 years to get to this point. It has been a long road and one hell of a journey. I have no doubt that I will always be on this journey, as the peaceful days are few and far between. But right now, I will live in the one that I have.

-to be continued-

Warmest Thoughts,
Desarei