Losing a Child { Part III }: Losing a child through miscarriage

We've talked about losing a child. The pain. The memories. And we've talked about what others can do for a mother who has lost a child.  I want to talk about losing a child through miscarriage now. It will help you to understand the differences and the similarities. As well as the things that are present in both situations.

Part III - Losing a child during the pregnancy:

 This is yet another situation that I can relate to 100%. After Elizabethe-Ane died I never really gave it any thought that I could lose another child. It never crossed my mind. When I got pregnant again, it was twins again. Let me explain first that I have been pregnant with twins 6 times and triplets once. I suffered infertility issues from the start. It took me quite some time to get pregnant with my first child. By the time I got pregnant with Cherokee I was used to the problems that come with having infertility and then later secondary infertility. I had been on Metrodin for a bit by then. The first series of ultrasounds showed twins. Each with a heartbeat. I wasn't prepared to learn that just a week after learning it was twins (learned at a very early stage of the pregnancy) that I would lose one. I mourned the loss of that child and went on to have a beautiful little girl. And still again, I didn't give it much thought that it could happen again. I ended up having 13 miscarriages. Yes, 13. Yes, that's a lot. But in the grand scheme of things, it's part of infertility and secondary infertility. It doesn't make it hurt any less. After 6 back to back miscarriages I was put through what seemed like a million tests. We learned I had Lupus. SLE Lupus. Somehow it had managed to go undetected when I went through all the Infertility testing prior. Losing a child by way of miscarriage can and often is, just as painful as losing a child that you have given birth to and held. The emotions are pretty much the same. The one difference is that with a miscarriage you tend to heal faster. But that doesn't make it any easier to handle. The grieving process is often the same. Like I have said before, losing a child is always a hard pill to swallow. And it throws us off the track every time it happens. We often become bitter and angry for awhile. We tend to experience moments of jealousy when we see another that has what we want so desperately. We feel angry with all those who don't want children, seem to have them and then throw them away, abuse them or even worse...murder them. That bitterness is present in both categories of losing a child. Just as the pain is.

Resources for coping with a miscarriage:

Hope exchange
American Pregnancy: supporting friends and family during a miscarriage
Miscarriage Support
Silent Grief
MEND
Honored Babies

Those are but a few of the resources that are available to help cope with the loss. Talking about the loss is imperative to healing and learning to live again. If you keep it contained behind a thousand walls, it will fester and grow into this darkness that eventually rules your life.  That darkness taints everything it touches. Everything it comes into contact with. Don't allow it to win. Don't allow it to take over you and your life.