Senseless

  It seems like it't been nothing but stress and drama in the last few weeks. just when you think things are amicable with you and and ex, it all goes south and reminds you that it most likely will never be truly amicable. Know what I mean? My husband has been so supportive and has been my strength through everything for years now. I draw my strength and compassion from him and my kids. When I feel like I can't take it anymore, I lean on them and my strength is renewed somehow. Amazing.

   My husband writes on his own blog every rare moment in time. He recently wrote something and I want to share it with you. And I want to expand on that as well.

My husband's blog entry:

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2012

People & Their Stupidity

Its been a while..... I have recently discovered just how far stupidity will take & drowned down people. The most recent instance I am referring to is my wife's EX husband's wife.. my wife & her EX made an agreement for taxes this year... He claims their kids & send half to my wife. Well this would still give him & his wife a larger refund & give us the ability to get things we need.... a car...... clothes, shoes etc for the kids. But the catch is... HIS WIFE didn't want him to claim the kids & when they found out how much they were getting back SHE then didn't want to send any  of the money to my wife... Which if he didn't would cause them the loss of more than they want to in tax fraud & such. A few days after he got his return he sent a check from his bank to us. That's fine whatever even though he was told to wire it due to reasons of needing it that day... His wife then decided to put her nose & mouth in a situation that didn't concern her. we asked for some help until we got that money & was told no even though the help was for the kids. reason given..... get this...... The EX husband's wife didn't want to give my wife a damn penny & stated that she & others here need to get a job & quit expecting every damn thing to be handed to her. Then last night she decided to send an e-mail to my wife. This e-mail stated to the effect that she has EVERY right to ANYTHING with her husband & can have contact with HIS kids (kids that has no relationship to her aside from their father) & that she will NEVER come back here because all she is while here is miserable. Then another e-mail comes in saying she don't care about the kids, what they say about her nor what they think of her..... see the stupidity drowning down people yet???? I am just a step father to the kids in the middle of this.... I respect both parents enough & as a step parent i know my role is to gain the trust, respect, & love of the kids that are in my care..... Their father has not & is not paying child support.... So the judge said in the MOTHER & FATHER"S divorce no child support to be paid as mother ( who has sole custody) as refused. The father's new wife now wants to say the kid's mother  is all about money.... HHHMMMMM she has stopped 2 different states from getting child support from him & it would be evident that if the mother wanted money from him, which by the way the courts says if mother asks for money for the kids NEEDS he IS TO GIVE IT, no questions asked. So who is about the money now?

Can you hear his heartache in that posting? The man watches his wife's ex treat her and her kids like crap. He watches him try to tear her down even though they are divorced and have been for almost 8 years. I commend my husband for holding his tongue and keeping his temper under wraps. When my ex and I divorced the ONLY thing I wanted was custody of my kids. I have been the one to care for the kids every moment of their lives. I am the one has done it all. And 99% of it I did alone. Just me and the kids.  I never asked for money. Ever. In fact I flat out refused to take child support. To the point that the judge was not very happy that I refused to take it. In fact the judge made a statement that said " In the 35 years that I have been presiding over family court and divorce cases, You are the first ex wife that has steadfastly refused a single dime. You are the first to come into my courtroom and refuse child support." I didn't want a single penny from my ex. All I wanted was sole custody of my kids. I wanted nothing more than to be free of my ex. With my children. I got what I wanted. When the divorce papers were finalized, the judge did not order child support and stated why. Instead he did state in them that if the mother needs any financial help with the kids and for the kids, the father is to give it 100% and freely when the mother asks.  Over the last 8 years I have only asked my ex 3 or 4 times for any type of help financially. It was always the general "The kids need shoes", "The kids need school supplies or clothes". And in the last 8 years my ex has rarely helped during those 3 or 4 times I asked.  He remarried last year on my son's 16th birthday. He called here not to talk to the kids and not to wish his own son happy birthday that day, but to say "I got married. You should congratulate me." Nice isn't it? His wife is a very manipulative and controlling snake. She is definitely toxic and not someone that most people want to be around. She doesn't get along with people very well and she is as pathological as they come. I gave her the benefit of the doubt even though all my Forensic training and law enforcement background was screaming at me not to. As evidenced from my last couple of blog entries, my intuition that she was not to be trusted and was toxic, proved to be correct once again. Things came to an explosive head last week and over this weekend. I finally told my ex that he won't hear from me and unless he calls the kids then he is going to finish destroying his relationship with his kids. I am not his keeper. It is not my job to ensure that he maintains a relationship with the kids. It is his responsibility as a PARENT to ensure that he maintains that relationship. I have walked away from trying to do that for him. The kids are definitely old enough to see things for themselves. And frankly, he has shown them more often than not, what a callous and destructive person he is. He has proven time and time again to them that he is selfish and thinks of no one but himself most of the time. He seems to think that he can be a part time parent and expect them to not be angry over it. I'm sorry but kids are not a toy that you can put on a shelf when you don't want to play with them. They aren't a commodity that you can pull out and dust off when it's convenient for you to do so. You are either a parent or you aren't. I'm sorry but I am a mother. I will always be a mother. I will always hurt when my babies hurt. I will cry when they cry. I will be angry when they have been wronged. I will be a mother until my last breath and then some. I'm angry. I'm angry that he thinks that he can just walk in and out of my kids lives as if it is not supposed to affect them. I am angry that he has all but destroyed his relationship with them. I am angry that he has hurt them so many times emotionally, that I have to keep picking up the pieces. I am angry at HIM. I am angry at his wife. It was bad enough that he he only called MAYBE 4 or 5 times a year prior to marrying her. And in the last 4 years he has only seen them TWICE. His choice mind you. And it has just gotten worse since he married her. At least prior to him marrying her, he helped with things the kids needed a few times. Now...never happens. She is all about the money, yet she wants to sit and say that I am? Excuse me but I didn't create these children by myself. It is his duty as a parent to make sure his kids have what they need.  I got news for both my ex and his wife...You have alienated the kids so much and for so long, that they don't really want anything to do with you right now. No amount of me telling them that you love them has changed that. They see what they see and they have formed their own opinions of you as their father. And I find it heartbreaking to have to listen to my children say they love their father because he is their father but they don't like him. It is utterly heartbreaking. And this time, I have no words to sooth their pain. They are tired of hearing the words and their father not showing the actions that a loving father shows. I thank the gods that they view Daniel as more than a step father. They look up to him like a dad.

 The only words I have left for my ex is:
 You made your bed. Now you get to lie in it. You are the one who has all but destroyed the most precious thing you have ever been given, your relationship with your kids. I don't feel pity for you any longer. Instead I feel anger. I feel the betrayal that you have heaped on my children. Children that YOU helped create. That you were supposed to protect and love. Cherish. I find it sad that you are far more concerned with getting into a woman's panties than you are with your own children. I have nothing but anger for you because you chose to hurt my children. Shame on you. I hope that you one day will open your eyes and see just what you have thrown to the wayside. I just hope you realize it before the last tenuous thread that is left, breaks. You are losing the one thing in your life that should mean the most to you. Your children. Yes they love you but right now, they also hate you. I can't say that I blame them either.






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